Vulnerability in leadership
Humankind is asking now more than ever “what ever next?” and given what we’ve all been through, we feel we’re on shaky ground. Further musings of “who am I? and “what’s the point in all this?” can feel rather overwhelming. But do you know what? It’s normal. All of it. Especially following a global, long term, impactful event. So let’s cut ourselves some slack and be a little kinder…to our good selves.
Vulnerability is our greatest strength. It absolutely is, as long as we understand the feeling of it, know how to effectively express it and manage it. This little trio of skills is wrapped up with the tag of “emotion regulation”. Wonderful stuff! Sounds good, where do I sign? The good news is that it’s within us all, to some extent, we just lose track of it over time because we start adulting and forget to tune in to ourselves and others the way we can when we pause and listen a little more. I know it sounds scary, but it isn’t, it’s actually the opposite. It’s the most familiar and safe thing in the world - because it’s simply you!
Let’s challenge societal norms (yes, even more than we already are!) and change the way we see vulnerability as a bad thing. It’s not about being weak. Not in the slightest. How can vulnerability be a weakness when it takes so much strength to show it? Pause. Consider that. What’s your answer?
I bet that your closest relationships are with people who you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable in front of, the people who’ve seen you in all your states of being, the people who know your wonderful rainbow of colours, the people who see your scars as making you even more beautiful than without them. How amazing is vulnerability?!
What’s this got to do with leadership? Let’s see… leaders are usually people and people are vulnerable, in some form, some of the time, with some people. There are many characteristics that all humans share and this is one of them. Thankfully, otherwise we’d live solitary lives. Vulnerability is related to empathy, safety, connection, closeness, trust… wow! And guess what? These values and behaviours aren’t only important in our homes, with our friends and families, they’re also vital in our workplaces too, with our colleagues and even our customers.
Global research studies show us that the most effective teams, the most successful businesses put people at the centre of all they do. Diving deeper into the evidence, we see that people are better* at work when they feel heard and cared for. When they can bring their real selves to work and not be reprimanded. When they can talk about how they’re really feeling. (*by “better” we mean happier, healthier and doing a better job so those metrics, targets and outcomes are reached harder and faster).
At the end of the day, people like people. People want to work with people. I mean REAL people, who also have personal lives, feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities, up days, down days, skills and challenges, things they’re amazing at and things they’re rubbish at. Vulnerability is disarming. Can you tell I’m a fan?
“Ok, sounds good, but how?” I hear you ask. This depends where you’re at and where you want to get to. A good first step is to make time for these conversations. Real time, that isn’t interrupted or cut short because of other priorities. Then, it’s about maintaining your practises and keeping those conversations going. This is how change happens. Because through talking about it, the “it” becomes normalised and familiar, and we all deal with familiar pretty well. We like familiar. Talking about it also releases the elephant in the room (pink or otherwise) and allows that lovely big creature to become a friend. Talking about it also puts everyone on a level, no matter who you are in your organisation.
Of course, there is much more that we can all do and leaders are in a perfect position to influence our vulnerability practices, thus influencing the success of our work and wellbeing. There are researchers working out the best techniques and there are people like me who are utilising those findings and witnessing what works across industries every day. In my clinical and corporate work I’ve seen time and time again, the best places to work are those with vulnerable leaders at the helm. It makes sense. It makes a difference. More to the point, it matters. A lot. To people and to business. Let’s make a start.
#vulnerability #leadership #business #people #leaders