Small can make a big difference
When I finished writing my book at the end of last year, I optimistically set about the task of publishing it. This is my message to the world and not only is it packed with my hints and tips on how to live your best life, backed by the science of positive psychology, but it also houses some of my own personal stories. They weren’t easy to write, even more difficult to decide to share with the world. Some of the detail is known by very few people. It’s scary. I feel vulnerable. Fortunately, I know that vulnerability is one of my biggest strengths, as with most of us. So it’s nerve wracking and I’ve no idea how people will respond, what kind of feedback I’ll receive, but I’m doing it anyway. Because we’re here once and I may only write one book. This could well be it. Also, I’ve nothing to hide, because I’m human after all and my experiences are no doubt shared by so many other people - all vulnerable, sometimes scared but ultimately courageous and uniquely human in our experiences.
I’ve had a whole raft of emotions since beginning to write this book and even more so since I began the process of publishing. I am one of those people who believes that we are ALL creative, that we can ALL write a great book if we want to and that we ALL have a wonderful story to tell. I love it when publishers believe in this too, they are inspiring and motivating and I still hope that one of these types of publisher picks up my book sometime and believes in that too. In the meantime, I will set about self publishing. Not because I want to be in control of it, or because I don’t want anyone else to have access to it, but because of the experience I’ve had over the past couple of months and the emotional rollercoaster that this has taken me on.
Before I give you an insight into some of the most difficult feedback I’ve had and how that’s made me feel, I’ll say that a few publishers are still looking at my book and have been incredibly supportive. Two well known, international publishers even requested to see my manuscript, which feels fantastic! The dips on the journey have been the ones who have offered what I would call critical and unhelpful feedback, the kind that we all dread, which puts us in a little corner or on the naughty step without offering an explanation or any way of rectifying where we went wrong. I was aghast when I was told that happiness is an over subscribed area, that people are actually kind of tired of it already, that only academic books will be believed and only books written by famous people will be noticed.
I’m not famous. I’m not academic, not really. I have however done an undergraduate degree, a masters and a doctorate in psychology and neuroscience. I have worked with real people for 20 years, helping them feel better about their lives. I have been through a heck of a lot in my own life that has taken me to the edges of the mental health spectrum. And I allowed myself to believe that I… little, unknown me, just a girl from Staffordshire who’s trying her best to run a business and help people as she goes… might write a book that people want to read. Who knows. Perhaps if I had found my way into the world of celebrities, more people would be interested in what I have to say. Perhaps I’d be seen as more credible. It’s not the most empowering thought.
It was timely and reassuring when a good friend reminded me of the page in the book ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’ that reads,
“I’m so small” said the mole. “Yes,” said the boy, “but you make a huge difference.” (Charlie Mackesy)
I was also reminded of a beautiful story about the boy and the starfish, which (paraphrased and summarised) goes something like this:
Watching the boy throw starfish into the sea, the man said, “There are hundreds of starfish here, you’ll never make a difference.” The boy listened politely, bent down, threw another starfish into the sea, smiled and said, “I made a difference to that one.” (Loren Eiseley)
So I choose hope and optimism about what I’m doing, no matter how small I may be in this world. I choose to believe that people like me can create things that people will love. Maybe, just maybe, something I say or a story I share will have a positive impact. After all, my sole objective for this book is to get it out there so that it helps people feel better, learn about themselves and do what they can to improve their wellbeing. Sometimes we don’t even know it, but the smallest actions can change someone’s day, even save a life. You don’t need to be famous to make that happen. I think that’s good enough.
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